Email humor 10/31/2008
COLORED FOLKS
This was written by a black guy in Texas…. so funny….. what a great sense of humor and creativity!!!!!!!!!!
When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in the sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black.
You white folks…..when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in the sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray.
So who you calling colored folks?
Last day to drop
Well, the day that I take a look at where I stand grade-wise and make a very important decision: go forward and persevere or quit while I’m ahead (more like, not failing yet).
It is called the “Last day to drop with a ‘W’”. And it is on Wednesday, November 5th.
I just took two tests for each of the two classes I’m enrolled. One on Tuesday and the other Wednesday.
The Tuesday test was for a class that I believe I am currently passing. I say this for the mere fact that the first exam I think I got in the neighborhood of a 75. I’m not sure because he does a point system. The points for exam one were 136. I think I got 100 which would be about a 74 but I think I got some extra credit added on top of that. I’m not for sure as I haven’t been able or keep forgetting to swing by the prof’s office and get my test. This second exam I think I got about an 80 but not for sure yet again. I will have to wait until next Tuesday. This class isn’t the questionable one because we have two grades only, so far, and a project we are working on then one more exam.
The concern is the Wednesday one. I got a 61 on exam one. I have done well on in-class quizzes and an extra-credit plus attendance and class participation has been good. The prof rates the two highest exams as fifty percent of the overall grade and the lowest as twenty percent with quizzes and such making the extra thirty percent. So, depending on how I did on this exam will decide if I will hit the final day t drop with a ‘W’ or not.
Before I took the exam, I was way worried. After I took the exam, felt I did well unlike when I took exam one and didn’t even answer a 15pt question which started me out at an 85 right off the bat!
As mentioned, I’ll have to see how it goes when I get my grade.
(fingers crossed)
Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeed
Email humor 10/30/2008
‘Twas the night before elections
And all through the town
Tempers were flaring
Emotions all up and down!
I, in my bathrobe
With a cat in my lap
Had cut off the TV
Tired of political crap.
When all of a sudden
There arose such a noise
I peered out of my window
Saw Obama and his boys
They had come for my wallet
They wanted my pay
To give to the others
Who had not worked a day!
He snatched up my money
And quick as a wink
Jumped back on his bandwagon
As I gagged from the stink
He then rallied his henchmen
Who were pulling his cart
I could tell they were out
To tear my country apart!
” On Fannie, on Freddie,
On Biden and Ayers!
On Acorn, On Pelosi”
He screamed at the pairs!
They took off for his cause
And as he flew out of sight
I heard him laugh at the nation
Who wouldn’t stand up and fight!
So I leave you to think
On this one final note-
IF YOU DONT WANT SOCIALISM
GET OUT AND VOTE!!!!
Technical Newsletters
I’m kind of a computer geek. I’m not one of those like serious nerds but I do like me some electronics and I occasionally like to work/toy with them to figure out how they work or how I can screw them up and make them work. It’s not so prominent in my day-to-day life now that I’m older with a family and kids because they come first and then there are about a dozen other things and then there is “Jay time.”
Anyway before I get to off topic. I have signed up with many online technical journals/webizines/etc. that I either receive their newsletters via email or on Google Reader.
A particular email newsletter that I joined within the past year or so but no more than two is called Ask Leo!. It’s pretty informative, to an extent, but only if you click on a link within the email to “read the rest of the story” which opens your default browser back to the Ask Leo! web site where you can read the question and answer article.
I don’t like to have to do that. It’s a real pain in the ass and I usually don’t click the link unless it’s a topic in which I am REALLY interested. I prefer to read the question and see the answer in the newsletter. In my opinion, that’s the whole point of signing up for the newsletter…so I don’t have to visit the web site.
Kind of like WinXP News. There is also a Vista version but I have XP. Most of the questions are answered within the email newsletter. There are links to deeper discussions on certain topics like “Is big brother watching you?” or “Are you going to upgrade to Windows Vista or wait for Windows 7?” but the quick how-to/help questions are posted and answered within the email newsletter.
Anyway, I was going to rant a bit more about it but I actually started this post a couple of days ago and lost my train of thought.
Scented, Ribbed, Extreme Sensation or Super-studded
So, we were on our way back from a trip to Frederick, Oklahoma when I had to stop to get gas at a local, ‘country’ gas stop. I got gas and had to take a piss. In the men’s room, this is what I see:
The best part of the “Super-Studded” is the added description of “With dozens of formed rubber studs! $1 off!” So, the rubber studs adds awesome tingling sensations and the $1 off means that normally ONE condom costs $1.75?
I thought this was funny strictly for the fact that there aren’t many, if any, gas stations in the Dallas-area metroplex that still have condoms for sale from vending machines in the men’s room. It’s almost like the truck-er stops think that they are going to get laid every time they make a pit stop.
Now, isn’t that a little presumptuous?
Oh well…
Email humor 10/16/2008
Best-selling Halloween costume…
Retired Hooter’s girl
More awesome ads by True dating services
I believe I’ve typed about this before. This is a new ad though. Instead of a static picture, it’s more of a short video of this very sexy girl “chatting” on her computer. I don’t know what it says because I was watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull while working on my computer.
Anyway, as mentioned previously in other entries, if everyone was guaranteed this hotness (men, obviously for this particular ad) I would think this company would be raking in the money.
Oh well, end of late-night random thought.
Email humor 10/14/2008
Chinese Medicine
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: ‘I’ve got bad news for you —you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.’
The man looks a little perplexed and says: ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’ The doctor answers: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure.
We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’ The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’
The doctor replies: ‘Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead if you want but surgery is your only choice.’
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: ‘Ah, yes,……. Mongolian VD. Vely lare disease.’ The guy says to the doctor: ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: ‘Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!’
Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.
‘Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself.
Stupid drivers
I think you should have to pass an IQ test at a certain level to legally drive a vehicle.
What happens is you get stupid people driving; They do stupid things; Then add talking on a cellphone and we’ve got accidents that are completely avoidable.
Take for instance just a few minutes ago. I was on my way somewhere when I came to a four-way traffic light that did not have a protected left turn and some mo-fo is just sitting at the light, holding up traffic while the light is green, talking on the freaking cell phone!
I mean come on, really. Just put the barrel of the gun in the mouth and pull the trigger. If you are stupid today, you’ll be stupid tomorrow. Save us all the trouble!
Email humor 10/08/2008
MISSING HUSBAND
Rick was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him ‘Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 10 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!’
The next morning Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Rick has been missing since Friday.
Please pray for him
