Email humor 05/31/2008
DA VINCI CODE
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: ‘This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them.’
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and f ood didn’t grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said, ‘Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left……
It says: ‘Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!’
Goodbye and Good Riddance
Reese’s peanut butter cups
I was eating a Reese’s peanut butter cup at work today and a memory hit me.
Hey, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate.No, you got your chocolate in my peanut butter.
Ah, the simplicity of the past.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
In the news 05/28/2008
How stupid is this?
From the Dallas News: Grapevine student with top grades won’t be valedictorianGrapevine High School senior Anjali Datta holds the highest grade point average of the 471 students graduating from Grapevine High School this year. In fact, Grapevine-Colleyville ISD officials believe her GPA of 5.898 may be the highest in the high school’s history [done over 3 years]… But a school district policy states: “the valedictorian shall be the eligible student with the highest weighted grade point average for four years of high school.”
Click here for the article as long as it lasts.
I don’t care what the “policy” says. In fact, according to the article, the policy isn’t clear on what the policy is. If it were me, I’d give it to the girl. She deserves it. Anyone that is willing to and actually does complete four years of high school in three years with THAT grade point average deserves the recognition and the scholarship. I think the “policy” could be open to interpretation in the sense that “four years of high school” is typically what it takes for a student to complete high school credits but she did it in three so she should get the accolades.
If you ask me, the district is displaying racial favoritism. This girl is obviously of Middle Eastern descent (India probably with a name like ‘Datta.’ The boy that will actually get the valedictorian title with a lesser GPA achieved in a longer amount of time must be Caucasian (last name is Franklin, first name Tyler). So, why would the district let this “darky” show up this “whitey?”
This is an obvious overlooking of what is the right thing to do. Stupid bastards!
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Class starts tomorrow
My summer school class starts tomorrow. I know everyone gives a shit but hey, that’s my life these days: family, work and school. I can’t wait to be done with the last one. If all works well, I will be the 40-yr-old undergraduate. LOL! I guess that’s better than the 40-yr-old virgin.
Anyway, my class is Financial Management and it turns out there isn’t a book in the bookstore for this class. Now, I don’t know if that means there is no book at all or if the professor is providing his own book of sorts.
It doesn’t matter. I just want to get it done with and out of the way. It’s 1 hour and 40 minutes, every day, for roughly 28 days. I like that schedule. It keeps me focused, on track and I tend to do better under these circumstances…so far.
Luckily, what I hear is that the prof that’s teaching the class makes the class extremely likable and somewhat easy. Good for me! We’ll see.
I guess that’s it for now.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
I’m in love with a stripper
Not really. I just thought that would be a catchy title.
She’s our office receptionist and I’m not in love with her. I think she’s attractive and maybe she is a stripper on the side. I really don’t know. She’s like 50 but I’d let her pop my MILF cherry. 
Hey, the wife said she thought she was an attractive woman too!
I don’t pine for her. She pines for me…not really…but she could. I really don’t know. She’s married and has two kids: a college grad and a recent high school grad. That’s about the extent of my knowledge on her background.
Anyway, today I had to touch her “middle body” as it was described to me. We were at our company picnic and she and two other women decided that the four of us needed to join the Mummy Wrap competition. If you don’t know what that is, it’s just four people; 1 “mummy” and 3 wrappers that take a roll of toilet paper each and wrap the mummy. The recept (this is how I’ll refer to her) was the mummy. One woman was shorter than I and she claimed the legs. The other claimed the head even though we are about the same height – I think she didn’t want to bend at all. That left me to the middle body. I told the two other women that were with us that I didn’t feel totally comfortable as the middle body included what I commonly refer to as boobs. And as I am a “wrapper,” my hands, arms, whatever will be coming across these boobs and I’m not sure that is an appropriate thing to occur. The recept said that she thought I would handle it just fine. DAMN! Do you think she wanted me to accidentally touch her boobs?! I’m hoping yes but we’ll never know for sure.
So, the whistle blows to start the wrapping. I think I actually did a pretty good job and the recept complemented me on it as well even though we lost. I did way better than she who was wrapping the head and a little better than the leg wrapper. I also did well to minimize the boob grazing which wasn’t too difficult since she’s probably only a b-cup or big a-cup. I don’t know how those things are measured…palm-sized, handful, gazongas? Although, if it was my wife or a different environment, my wandering hands could have gone out of control.
That was about all the excitement for the day I can handle. Now that I am back in the office, I feel like I could take a nap until Saturday morning tennis.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Email humor 05/22/2008
Pastor’s Business Card
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote ‘Revelation 3:20′ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, ‘Genesis 3:10.’
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock.’
Genesis 3:10 reads, ‘I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.’
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
The Dollar Tree is politcally correct
I stopped by the Dollar Tree today off Mockingbird Lane and Abrams to get some cheap candles, mousse, bath soap and some other junk. Hey, it’s “everything’s a dollar,” you can’t beat that!
Anyway, as I entered the store I saw the items in the picture below. Luckily, I had my digicam with me at the time. Otherwise, it probably would have been a camera phone picture and those never turn out well.
There is a blond-haired caucasian bride, a brown-haired caucasian bride, and a black bride. I guess even cheap stores need to have products that appeal to every race, creed, and color.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Monday morning blues
A few days late but I’ve been busy (sort of). I did have to this with my community of one–me.
I don’t have the Monday morning blues but I do occasionally…well, all the time…hate coming to work on a Monday…Tuesday…hell, every weekday!
Anyway, a coworker of mine seems to either be absent from work or does a half day basically every Monday for the past few months. Not that I care, but if someone in the office would pay the hell attention, they’d see it’s a little suspicious. Duh! Anyway, this is how the conversation (I’m assuming/making up) must have gone when she called in to her boss.
MONDAY
I cannot make it into work today because I have a cold sore.
What? Why are you not coming to work today?
Because I have a cold sore.
WTF? You are not coming in because you have a cold sore?
Yes. It’s huge and very unattractive, not to mention embarrassing.
Well, okay then. [Said with a little bewilderment and sarcasm]
Tuesday she was a no-show as well and she just got into the office today (Wed) at around 10:40am.
Again, I don’t care why you don’t come in or why you don’t do your work. It’s not my place to give a shit. I’m not your boss and I’m not your boss’s lacky to tell them when you are failing at your job. BUT, I do feel it may be a little bit of my responsibility to tell you when your excuses for missing work are LAME-O!
Hell, tell them you shit your lower intestine out or you puked up your gall bladder. SOMETHING that is better than, “I have a cold sore!”
Oh well, that’s just me I guess. To each his/her own.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Daily Dilbert 05/20/2008
I think I fell into this trap, except I was stupid enough to get married and we didn’t work together but I still am just the live-in techie guy. ;-P
Provided by the awesome add-on DAILY DILBERT for Firefox 2.2.
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Shania Twain is still hot!
Man, I had a crush on her from the day I first saw her. She has that natural beauty to her and those boobs! Man, those boobs! Unh, unh, uhn!!! Even now at her age she is smokin’!
Anyway, enjoy a couple of pics of my future harem girl, er, woman.
I didn’t want to ruin the picture here but c’mon…legs spread, eyes closed, breasts heaving…you know what’s on that stool! Not me, unfortunately!
