Absent-Minded Jay

speak to Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” (I think that’s the song)

Have you ever blogged while sitting on the pot?

I have.

I’m doing it right now.

[end]

Okay, so it sounded funnier in my head than on the computer screen.

I was looking through an action figure/memorabilia magazine and I came across something that reminded me of this movie I saw when I was about 10-12 years old at an ex-sister-in-laws house. I remember it to this day and my brother, who is three years older, remembers it too because I remember talking to him about it occasionally in the past. I look back now and realize that the movie was basically terribly made but it left an impression on me that most scary movies haven’t.

It scared the shit out of me so much that I had visions for days, months, even years of seeing this little doll chasing me in the dark through my parents’ house or outside with this little bitty knife that probably was no bigger than a 3-inch nail file.

The only other movie that scared me as much was the original Exorcist with Linda Blair. It’s funny though that both these movies in their entirety didn’t scare me. There were just certain parts.

In “Trilogy of Terror“, it was the third story where the Zuni doll was chasing this woman through her house, swing this 3-inch blade, making this eerie sound but the face and facial expressions of the doll added to the effect. I remember the scene where the woman gets a back bone and catches the doll in a suitcase. It cuts its way out but then she tricks it into the oven. She shuts the door and turns it on and the doll basically burns up, disintegrates. She’s curious as to if it is dead or what. She opens the oven door just to be overtaken by the spirit of the Zuni! She’s waiting in her kitchen, possessed, for her roommate(?) to come home while she has a big kitchen knife she’s striking the floor with.

In “The Exorcist“, the scene that was scariest was when Linda Blair is laying on the bed, with her greenish-blue veiny face, talking like a cigarette smoker to the priest. She starts floating, spinning and yelling “Fuck me! Fuck me!”, head spining and vomiting. Scared the piss out of me so much that I would not go through my parents’ house in the dark. I would turn on every damn light in the house as I walked. If the light switch was on the far side of the dark room, it usually wasn’t a room that I went in or through. Occasionally, I would get a back bone and run to the farside light switch to turn it on. I think that’s the fastest I’ve run in my entire life!

Never underestimate the power of makeup…

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. “Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she’s behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her fanny off to jail.”

The Gravitizer. This would make some positions less strenuous, wouldn’t it?

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I must say that I am impressed with the detail that they made in these GIFs. I see her hair moving and her boobs bouncing. Very interesting!

I’m telling you each hour of each day I am losing more and more faith in my fellow human beings.

MOSS BLUFF, Fla. – A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.

Click here for the full article if it hasn’t been moved or expired.

When I first saw the title of this post on another blog, the picture is not what I was envisioning.

Admit it, you weren’t thinking of the picture shown either!

My wife left me… I don’t understand. After our last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses. I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends.

Anyway, I gave it up, but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping the receipt included $45 in makeup.

I said, “Wait a minute. I’ve given up beer and you haven’t given up anything!”

She said, “I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you.”

I told her, “Hell, that’s what the beer was for!”

I don’t think she’ll be back!

If you see sheep…then you need glasses

Heh, heh…I typed “beever”.

Anyway, I’m sure these emails have been sweeping the Internet by storm but Julian Beever is an English artist who’s famous for his art on the pavement of England, Frnace, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Beever gives to his drawings an amazing 3D illusion.

This is just one of his drawings but I’m sure you can Google his name for more. I just thought this was the coolest one out of the set I saw.

I guess you could call me heartless but I don’t see why people feel they should do certain things when people die.

Take for instance the situation of an absent father. Someone I know, let’s call him Mitch, just recently had his father pass in a freak accident with a train. No one knows for sure but they are saying the driver of a brand new truck that contained the father and two others (total of four) was trying to outrun a train to a crossing. The driver was rushed to a hospital and later died but the three others died at the scene. It made the local papers and everything. All occupants had just left work, not been drinking AND the truck was brand new so those that knew any of them do not believe they were racing the train. In the end, who really knows. Eyewitnesses don’t always see things correctly as they happen or they tend to embellish to make their “story” sound better.

Anyway as I understand it, this father has not been in communication with Mitch in a long, long time. Mitch’s mother still lives in the state this all went down (the train wreck) and notified him, a day or two after it happened. Mitch wanted a relationship with his father but I guess it just never materialized or even got started.

Mitch has a wife and son himself. The Mitch’s son was supposed to play with my kids the day after they found out about the death. These plans were made, of course, before the news. Mitch’s wife called my wife and said they’d probably not come over to play because she thought that Mitch needed his son to be home with him for support.

So, finally to my point, why does Mitch’s son need to support him in the loss of a nonexistent father figure? Why does Mitch need to attend the funeral of his absent father? Why do we feel we need to attend a funeral to say “Good-bye”?

I’m more of the “out-of-sight, out-of-mind” train of thought. If someone hasn’t been there for a long time in the first place, why do I feel I need to attend the funeral? My thoughts are I’ve already said “Good-bye” to an extent since I no longer see, hear or even know this person since I haven’t been in contact with them for however long!

Furthermore, why subject the son of Mitch to anything in regards to this situation? Mitch’s son doesn’t know his father’s father one bit. I could see out of respect for Mitch he could show support but then it goes back to Mitch’s support for his father.

Why? Why? Why?

Is it society that makes us think this is the “right” thing to do? Is it family pressure?

I guess I’m just a free-thinker and if this person didn’t give me the time of day, I sure as hell am not giving it to them whether they are dead or alive! I may attend the funeral just to piss in his coffin.

I told you I’m a heartless bastard! Not really, I just think peple don’t deserve respect from me if they don’t give it.

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.”

“Is your daddy home? ” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes.”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy,” whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A hello-copper” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there” asked the boss, now truly alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper.”

Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,

“Me.”