Absent-Minded Jay

I think it’s quite funny. Something me and other neighborhood kids would have done in the city where I grew up. But it comes as a shock to the rich people of Highland/University Park.

Link to DallasNews.com article here.

If dead, click here and remember the credit goes to the journalist at the DMN. I just copied because I know how the links expire.

I’ll probably still get sued!

Merry Christmas Eve to all!

Not holiday eve!&nbsp&nbspThere is no such thing.

It’s Christmas Eve and it always will be!

You “sick, trying-to-be-politically-correct” infidels!

P.S. Not that anyone really cares, but I will probably not type for a while since Christmas with the family, then the in-laws will be happening over the next few days. Then we may or may not take a trip to little ole Pawnee, Illinois (just south of Springfield).

HAPPY&nbsp&nbspHOLIDAYS!!

…unfortunately, it still wasn’t me.

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All I have to say is, “DAMN, she’s hot!”&nbsp I wonder if her background was in amateur porn or a Hawaiian Tropic tour girl.

Today, the wife and I took the kids to see “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.”

First let me say that the movie is freakin’ long for a “kids” movie. It was some where around 2½ hours long. Kind of long for kids to sit through but mine made it and they enjoyed the flick as well.

The movie was a little slow moving but I guess there had to be a story to tell before the action. I’m not sure how the movie followed the book if at all because it’s been like fifteen years since I read the book, but as mentioned, it wasn’t too bad of a movie. Definitely worth a matinee price or cheaper.

Well, that’s about all I got time for blogging right now. I have to go play Santa or something…whatever the wife wants me to dress as, I’m usually down with. Just kidding.

Just in time for the holidays, I am forced to write about the stupid-ass, mother-trucking, dipwads that drive on the highways…and they seem to get worse around the holidays.

In no particular order of ranking

1. People who do not move when the light turns green. The light could be green for 5+ seconds and they just sit there like nimrods.
2. People who inch forward while waiting for the light to change. Do these dipshits really think crossing into the crosswalk and beyond speeds up the light?
3. People who drive while talking on their cell phone as if they were sitting on the couch at home. They go from driving to putting along when they get on the phone. These are the people that are going to get cell phone use while driving banned in Dallas.
4. People who slow down (probably because they are on their cell phone) and then as I move to pass around them, they realize they are dumb ass drivers and speed up. Which in turn pisses me off to the point that I want them dead!
5. People who move from the either of the two right lanes into the fast lane but do not increase their speed. Hence, blocking my flying, speeding ass from maintaining my flow.
6. People going 58mph who pull into the fast lane to pass someone going 55mph in the middle lane. Once again, hendering my flow.
7. Almost all drivers in the State of Missouri on I-55 (I think) from St Louis to Joplin and sometimes down through Oklahoma! These people do almost all the things I’ve mentioned. The reason I know they are Missourians is because of their license plates. It says, “DUMB ASS FROM MISSOURI”!

Oh, I’m sure I can think of many more but I think it would take my whole blog!

I’m done for now with my tempered rant!

I love all the movies of the Star Wars saga but in the newer ones, Yoda just doesn’t have the same “Master Jedi” aura about him as he did in “The Empire Strikes Back.”

Nicole DeBoer – Johnny’s ex in the USA Network’s television show “The Dead Zone“. Okay, she may not be an extraordinary actress but you have to admit she is pretty HOT!

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.

I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0 . Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.. (Keep reading)
_____________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support . I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Today, I personally experienced the “let’s change the Christmas season to ‘holiday’ season.” dilemna.

First let me state that I’m not an advocate of everything “christian”. I just think there are some things in this nation/world that should not be changed since they REALLY aren’t doing ANY harm.

Today, my 3rd grader and all the school’s 3rd graders performed a holiday program put together by the music teacher. It’s really spectacular how she can get about 60 children around 8 yrs old to learn and perform multiple songs and “dance” movements.

Anyhow, the name of the program was called something like “How the penguins saved the holiday season.” This wasn’t the tipper to the change of verse because the way I saw it was that it IS the holiday season from Thanksgiving to New Year’s.

The show starts with the chorus singing something and then the penguins singing something and then Santa “crashes” to the stage. Apparently, Santa wasn’t wearing his seat beat OR holding onto the reigns tight enough and fell out of his sleigh over the South Pole. The penguins found him but he had amnesia. They sing a few songs to explain to Santa who he is. They said things like, “you deliver presents to good girls and boys on holiday eve.”

WTF??? Holiday Eve???

It’s not fucking Holiday Eve! It’s Christmas Eve and Christmas season!!

I just couldn’t believe that they conformed to be “politically correct”. There was an Asian, an Indian (from India) and I’m sure some Jewish but do you think that they all aren’t going to celebrate the gift-giving of the holiday called…CHRISTMAS!?

This is America. A nation based on Christian values (and some pushed onto others like out current president). It’s been this way for decades and a few centuries. Why the hell we fucking with something that has been in place and hasn’t harmed a single person?

As an American do you see my ass living in Israel or some other country and making them celebrate Christmas instead of Hannakuh or Ramadan?

Damn politically correct conservative assholes wanting to please everyone to get their vote.

It’s Christams. Always has been. Always will be. If you don’t like it get the fuck out of our country or celebrate your own type of season. We won’t make you change it. That’s why it is called the “free” country.

Pisses me off! Damn ass wipe people!

I’m done!