Absent-Minded Jay

As Shawn’s upcoming nuptials are getting closer, it makes me wonder about why people think marriage is a final step in a relationship. Truthfully, death and/or divorce is really the final step but that’s negative right, so nobody says it.

People like Shawn and Theresa have been together for years, at least 6+. In religions eyes, they’ve already sinned by living and sleeping together for the 6+ years so what’s the point of marriage? All things are going great in the relationship. Man loves woman. Woman loves man. Blah! Blah! Blah! Why marry?

Now, I can see some advantages to marriage. It’s better to be married for taxes especially if you have kids but the benefits are really minimal until the child(ren) arrive. In the military, you get the flag from the casket if your husband dies otherwise it goes to a family member if you are just a longtime couple. I guess if you have kids it looks good for them to see that you are married so they don’t live lives of lust and adultery when they get older but again that goes to the “church” point of view.

I’m just not getting the whole “we need to get married” thing. Yes, I am married. Yes, I got married because that’s what I thought you were supposed to do – date, marry, procreate then die. That’s the four-step program of life, right? Well, I love my wife and kids and I wouldn’t change it for the world but I still wonder why people feel marriage is a finality to show that my wife is my soul mate and I love her.

I made a promise to my wife when we got married. A vow they call it. To me, it wasn’t made so much in the eyes of God but a commitment – a promise – that I made to myself in her behalf that she is the only one I will fornicate with! LOL!

As I get older, I am hoping she’ll bend the rules for me if I get the chance to bed down with Natalie Portman, Rachel McAdams or Scarlett Johannson but that’s a big hope. Not that she’ll bend the rules but that I’d even have a chance of being in the same room with one of the three much less getting an offer of one glorious night in the sack with them. LOL!

I remember when I got married people would ask, “so, when are you going to have kids? When are you going to buy a house?” blah, blah blah. I didn’t get married to have kids. I didn’t get married to buy a house. I could have done all that without marriage. Plus, I had kids when I was damn, good and ready!

So there’s the rant. It was sparked by the wedding rehearsal and day schedule I was sent by the bride. I saw all kinds of ‘TO DO’ things and was just wondering, “WHY”?

How gross is it to walk into the men’s room in the office and see an ass-shrapnel explosion on the back of the toilet in stall number one!?

That’s just as bad as the sweaty outlines of a hairy ass and legs on the toilet seat that I spoke of in a previous post.

People are disgusting!

Andy should just give it up. He played a piss poor match. I was quite disappointed in his play and he deserved exactly what he got – A BIG LOSS in the first round of the U.S.Open.

If it wasn’t for his serve, the game count for him would have been much less. It could have been more like 6-2, 6-2, 6-2. I’d give him 2 service games per set just because if you added it all up that’s probably what he really deserved.

Gilles Muller wasn’t playing phenomenal tennis like the commentators will tell you. Andy Roddick was just playing shit tennis! He wouldn’t run down shots that should have been at least attempted a run at.

If he doesn’t have the fight like Rafael Nadal, Gilles Muller or even James Blake then he should hang the racket up in the garage and pick up golf because these other guys are out there to WIN at all costs!

Of course, this was said about Andre Agassi after a few slam and regular tournament wins when he first started becoming a tennis household name. It took him about 3-5 years to finally get his ass in gear when he hooked up with Brad Gilbert to become a more consistent, serious, professional tennis player.

Maybe Andy needs to make a call to Brad. Oh wait. He already has. Guess that isn’t helping like it should. Anyhow, he needs something to get that fire that he had when he won the U.S.Open in 2003. Maybe the mental anguish the ass-kicking he keeps getting from Roger Federer isn’t allowing him to reach the next plateau. I know it would probably weigh on me if I’d lost 7 times in a row to Roger.

Oh well.

Well, Shawn’s bachelor party is over and done with. First we went to Hooters for dinner. I’m sure any male knows that Hooters is famous for buffalo wings but we all had either a hamburger, chicken sandwich or philly cheesesteak sandwich. Shawn’s brother, Bryan, did order a 10pc wing item as an appetizer but that was about it for the wings. Most of the waitresses weren’t too bad but it’s rated PG compared to where we went afterwards.

As previously mentioned, the verdict of the type of bar was ALL NUDE. We had been to a few in the past but we needed to find one closer to Dallas because that’s where we were after Hooters and most of the other guys that were showing up lived in or near Dallas.

Two clubs that I knew of in the general Dallas area: The Clubhouse or PT’s Gold Club. We’d been to The Clubhouse within the past couple of years because one of Shawn’s employees was getting married back then so we had to go support him. So, PT’s was the option we were going to take a chance on.

I always am hesitant about these places because 1) the costs for all nude is typically a $20 cover and 2) for $20 cover I’d better see some hot women!

At first, PT’s didn’t disappoint. We come to the door and the doorman says, “It’s a $20 cover. If you have alcohol, you have to buy ice which is $12 a bucket. One bucket holds about 18 beers. Also, you have to tuck in your shirt!” WTF!? It’s a freakin’ nudie bar not the Bonaventure Hotel!

So, we go in. Shawn and the crew he drove with had come but left because they forgot to buy alcohol. Turns out, the bar is actually in Mesquite and this town is DRY! Which meant, to get alcohol, they had to drive about 10-15 minutes back into a Dallas or a Dallas County city and buy alcohol. There was 4-5 of us that showed up after they left. We waited for about 10 minutes and decided to wait inside for them. Why waste our time and money since we were smart enough to stop by a liquor store shortly after leaving Hooters.

The girls that took our money were hot! They weren’t scantily clad like the waitresses (I guess that’s what they are called) but they were pretty attractive. And at first, the door was where the beauty stopped.

I walked in the door behind the main entrance and the first stage I see, which is directly to my right after entering, there is a chubby ethnic lady that had to have been about 40+ years old. I shit you not! I was shaking my head in disappointment but had to remind myself I was doing this for Shawn.

Past the first stage, I can see the rest of the bar and it’s much smaller than the outside would suggest. It’s about 930-10pm and the damn place is packed with half the residents of Mexico! Again, I shit you not! No wonder the Mexican communities around Dallas are full of poor, starving little Mexicans! Their damn fathers are blowing their hard-earned construction money on tits and ass they could only dream of having and only get to see and touch because they are dropping $25+ on them for lap dance. Stupid wasteful men, not just the Mexicans. If I can’t touch it, poke it, have all kinds of fun with it, I’m not paying more than $1 for their little “show”. You go to the stage and they dance a little, touch themselves a little, sway it in front of you and then squat down to take your money. That’s pretty much worth a dollar but she’s got to look good for me. That 40-yr-old didn’t get the time of day from me but all those Pablos, Pepes, Joses and Felipes dropped dollar after dollar on her. Horny, disgusting little bastards!

We pretty much just stayed for the circuit of dancers to be completed. I think there were around 15 girls. Out of those, about half were worthy of the almight dollar! LOL! I don’t think I’ve seen so many fat, naked chicks in one room, in person, at all! If there weren’t other nice-looking chicks, I would have been upset that I wasted $20. If it wasn’t Shawn’s bachelor party, I would have been pissed but I was still feeling a little robbed.

There was this really tall brunette. Jeez! She had some legs that climbed for forever up to her ass! Although her A-cups didn’t match her body heighth (at least 6 ft) and her face was just average, I wouldn’t have had a problem saying “yes” if she asked me to go home with her – if I wasn’t married of course!

There was this tall blonde but not as tall as the brunette. She had the same A-cups but she was a little more pleasing to look at.

There was the librarian, the latino, the nubian queen, the dimwitted redneck with the recently purchased rack, the trailer whore whose husband told her she needed to make more money so she started stripping and then the naturally, big breasted hottie that put all the other girls to shame.

I only like the naturally big breasted hottie because she took my face in her breasts and rubbed them up and down my face, slowly, methodically, almost putting me to sleep because they were so soft… ummmm… good times!

After hanging out in the bar for a few hours or so, we left around 1:30am. We stopped by Whataburger to get some taquitos and a soda because I was hungry and thirsty (I don’t drink alcohol). The bar had a kitchen that opened about an hour before we left. They were serving bacon, eggs, sausage and toast. Sounded good but we were talking about a kitchen at a nudie bar.

Anyway, I ended up driving half the people there because Bryan, Shawn’s brother, left early like around 11pm and his ass was one of the two that said we HAD to go to a nudie bar! Freakin’ punk ass bitch! Granted it wasn’t much to look at but we did pay $20 so we should at least get our money’s worth in time if not in looks! LOL!

I got home around 3am. My nephew, Robbie, went with me so he crashed at my place because I wasn’t taking his ass home that late/early in the night/morning. I had to ring the doorbell for my wife to come open the door because the top lock was locked but my key wouldn’t open it. I don’t know why the hell she locked it to begin with. Then she has the gall, to question me about ringing the doorbell. Whatever!

Anyway, we stayed up and yacked for a little while until about 4am. I was too tired to talk anymore so I had to go to bed. The wife came in shortly after and the nephew went to bed as well. I knew I’d have to get up in about 4-6 hours because of my kids. Luckily, I got to sleep in until about 10:30am. I was going to try and sleep longer but I heard my wife talking to my nephew and I’m sure he wanted to get home. I also didn’t want to miss the women’s finals of the Pilot Pen tennis tournament – Kim Clijsters won by the way.

That was about the extent of the “wonderful” bachelor party.

I watched Kung Fu Hustle the other day. It was pretty funny and definitely worth a rental. I especially liked it when the boss of the Axe Gang dances before he bashes this guy in the start of the movie. And then in the intro, he is dancing and then is joined by gang members. It’s just funny to see these Asians dancing like in the musicals of the old days like West Side Story and then have kung fu action. Good spoof!

I’d turn on the English audio because it’s tough reading subtitles while there is action on the screen as well. I watched it with both and the audio track doesn’t match the subtitled words exactly. Still a funny movie.

I started reading “Angels & Demons” by Dan Brown. My wife said it was better to read it first and then The Da Vinci Code. She’s read both. So far, the writing has been good. It’s kept my attention and has me looking to read more to see what else is going to happen. I’m only on chapter eighteen at page 65 and only have 504 pages to go!

Tonight is Shawn’s bachelor party.  It kind of was a quick plan thing.  I didn’t plan it but was told that we were going out tonight about 3-4 days ago by Shawn.  Ain’t that funny?  Basically, I was going to take Shawn to Speedzone or something.   He was cool with that.  It’s kind of like a go-cart on steroids place.  It’s got a slick track, a grand prix track and drag racers; the dragsters are on a track so you can’t fly off or anything but I hear they go 0-60 in like 7 seconds.

Anyway, Shawn mentioned this to his brother, Bryan, and he said, “No way dude!  My wife said I can go to a nudie bar and I’m going to, that’s where we are going!”  Shawn then told Rob, the co-best man, about the options and he said, “Hell yeah dude but I need to see bush so we are going to ALL nude!” These two guys crack me up!  They are married and they NEED to pay minimum $20 cover fee to go and see this shit!  But, I guess that’s what we are doing.

We’ll probably go eat beforehand at Hooter’s in downtown Dallas.  There are a few other Hooter’s in the general area but I’ve almost always gone to the downtown one.

I say that I didn’t plan this because it’s been such a shotgun notice of my notice of groomsman to best man.  I was going to take Shawn to a Dallas Stars hockey game and probably eat at Hooter’s beforehand because it’s right down the street from the American Airlines Center where the Stars play.  Of course, hockey pre-season doesn’t start until two weeks after the wedding!  I figured Shawn would have like the game and eating more than the nude bar.  The nude bar probably costs more than the food and game would.

Well, I have to go get the pizza the wife ordered for her and the kids before I leave.  The gang is supposed to be over here around 6:30pm and it’s 6:09pm now.  I guess I’d better get dressed too.  Sucks for me having to get ready for shit!  Pain in my ass to be a friend!  LOL!

I had to take today off from work because my oldest is home sick from school and my wife has to teach. That also means that I missed my fourth day of my economics class as well. I couldn’t very well skip work but go to class. Well, I could but I didn’t want to and would feel uneasy about it – probably uneasy for a short bit but uneasy nonetheless. My child wanted me to watch the Star Wars movies with her. We started off with Episode I. While watching it, I once again realized how much the Jedi and Force in the movies is actually different than what I expect it to be – what it should be! Yes, I am a Star Wars geek!

The main part that bugs me is when Darth Maul is battling Qui Gon and Obi Wan on Naboo. You’ve got a Jedi Master and his “well-trained” apprentice against a Sith apprentice. I agree that Darth Maul was very good and well-trained but he still should have lost much quicker than he did. Also, when they are running on the catwalk towards the red beams that crossed the walkway, Obi Wan is running to assist Qui Gon. The beams close and Obi Wan is about eight beams away from Qui Gon who is one beam away from Darth Maul. The beams shut down and Obi Wan gets through all the beams except for the last one so he has to wait and watch while Qui Gon battles alone. So my first gripe is why didn’t Obi Wan use the Force run to get through the beams like they did when they were on the Trade Federation’s ship running from the destroyer droids. My second gripe is how Darth Maul hits Qui Gon in the face and then guts him. What kind of lame ass move was that to die from?! My third gripe is right before Qui Gon gets gutted they flash to Obi Wan and he gets a look on his face like he knew what was about to happen. Did Qui Gon not get this same feeling in the Force, especially since he was the Master?

Well, I’m onto Episode II and I’m sure I’ll have more gripes that no one “normal” will give a crap about! I’ve seen these movies at least a dozen times already but it still bothers me each time I see the “crap”. I know he had a prequel story to tell but George Lucas should have done a little better with the script.

Today the wife and I went to lunch. She picked me up from work and on the way out of the parking lot towards the highway we found ourselves behind a construction truck that had an extension arm on it. It’s tough to describe but I’m sure you know what I mean.

Anyway, on the back of this truck it said, “SCHWING”.

Another one of the times that I wish I had my digital camera with me. It was funny but you may have had to be there.

1) The professor seemed a little nervous during her introduction and review of the course syllabus. She had this acid-reflux thing going on. It was nice to know that there would be 25+ expensive cellphones whipped out to dial 911 if needed. With my old, cheaply-priced cellphone I probably wouldn’t get a signal in the classrooom.

2) Why do girls wear these shoulder-string shirts and then wear a bra underneath with straps? I guess this is the style but it’s ugly! I mean if they are going to go with shoulder-strings versus shoulder-straps they should at least wear a strapless bra! (Damn! There I am showing my fashionista gayness again.)

3) What is with the hot girl in front of me flicking her long, flowing, bleach-blond hair while the instructor is lecturing? The chairs are lined up so close together in this classroom that her hair washes back and forth across my book and notepad while she’s running her hands through her mane. Is there really a purpose for this other than to torture the old guy in the class? Hm, I wonder what kind of trouble would I get if I just grabbed and jerked it? In a darker room, alone, just maybe…LOL!

1) The professor seemed a little nervous during her introduction and review of the course syllabus. She had this acid-reflux thing going on. It was nice to know that there would be 25+ expensive cellphones whipped out to dial 911 if needed. With my old, cheaply-priced cellphone I probably wouldn’t get a signal in the classrooom.

2) Why do girls wear these shoulder-string shirts and then wear a bra underneath with straps? I guess this is the style but it’s ugly! I mean if they are going to go with shoulder-strings versus shoulder-straps they should at least wear a strapless bra! (Damn! There I am showing my fashionista gayness again.)

3) What is with the hot girl in front of me flicking her long, flowing, bleach-blond hair while the instructor is lecturing? The chairs are lined up so close together in this classroom that her hair washes back and forth across my book and notepad while she’s running her hands through her mane. Is there really a purpose for this other than to torture the old guy in the class? Hm, I wonder what kind of trouble would I get if I just grabbed and jerked it? In a darker room, alone, just maybe…LOL!