Absent-Minded Jay

I purchased the Dogma DVD the other day. I think this movie is hilarious. I still didn’t want to spend too much money on it, though. I thought about burning a copy but then at Fry’s Electronics they had a sale on DVDs and Dogma was going for $5.99. Booyah! It was mine!

A few memorable quotes I like from them movie are:
(Rated R for language, beware! Also if you get double numbers when viewing. Sorry. Damn HTML ordered list command isn’t showing correctly when I publish the post so I had to add the numbers manually!)

1. Snootch to the motherfuckin’ nootch!
2. It’s usually ‘Long Rufus’ but it’s a little cold out here, ya know?
3. Oh, I’m Jay, and this is my hetero-lifemate Silent Bob. I don’t know who those kids were, but they would’ve kicked yours and Lunchbox’s asses if I hadn’t represented.
4. I give you… The Buddy Christ.
5. Hell, the tubby coat-wearin’ motherfucker’s got tits, that damn sure doesn’t make him a woman.
6. Dude, I know they were just kids, but we kicked their fucking pube-less asses.
7. No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater… than central air.
8. You want to hear something sick? I got half a stock when she kissed me.
9. We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target shits him or herself.
10. Mary gave birth to CHRIST without having known a man’s touch, that’s true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he’d have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn’t getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin Mary, those are leaps of faith. But to believe a married couple never got down? Well, that’s just plain gullibility.
11. The humans have besmirched everything bestowed on them. They were given Paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don’t even believe He exists. And in spite of it all, He’s shown them infinite fucking patience at every turn. What about us? I asked you… once to lay down the sword because I felt sorry for them. What was the result? Our expulsion from Paradise. WHERE WAS HIS INFINITE FUCKING PATIENCE THEN? IT’S NOT RIGHT, IT’S NOT FAIR. We’ve paid our debt. Don’t you think it’s time? Don’t you think its time we went home? and to do that, I think we have to dispatch of our would-be dispatchers.
12. Do you know what makes a human being decent? Fear. And therein lies the problem. None of you has anything left to fear anymore. You rest comfortably in seats of inscrutable power, hiding behind your false idol, far from judgment, lives shrouded in secrecy even from one another. But not from God.
13. White folks only want to hear the good shit: life eternal, a place in God’s Heaven. But as soon as they hear
    they’re getting this good shit from a black Jesus, they freak. And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. A black man can steal your stereo, but he can’t be your Savior.
14. You can’t be anal-retentive if you don’t have an anus.
15. You knew Jesus? [Rufus] Knew him? Shit… Nigga owes me twelve bucks.

Okay, I guess that’s a little bit of quote overkill. I got a little bit carried away!

Why sign Zubov and not Mike Modano? They think Modano is too old at 35. Zubov is 35 and doesn’t have half the speed and skill that Modano has!

In fact, Zubov hasn’t been the player he once was either. Sure, Modano had a bad season or two recently but I think that had to do more with the crappy coaching and style of play Tippett brought to the table. The Stars signed too many high dollar forwards and wasted money on them when they didn’t produce and the Stars faltered.

Get rid of Guerin and Arnott. They are overpaid and don’t have the speed or skill Modano has to open up the ice.

Let Mo finish his career in Dallas with a respectable pay. Hell, Zubov got $12mil over 3 years. I’m sure Mo will take something just above that if not similar. He should anyway if he really wanted to stay in Dallas!

The other day my wife and kids walked up the street to 7-11 to get Slurpies while I was at work.

My oldest got her flavor as did the youngest. My wife got her flavor.

They were on the way to the register for check out and my oldest says, “Oh no, we didn’t get Daddy anything. We have to get Daddy something otherwise he’ll be sad because we got Slurpies and he didn’t.” The youngest agreed.

All I need is their love, kindness and stories of their thoughtfulness such as this!

My wife told me this story and I almost broke into tears. I’m such a woman!

I remember these glasses came out back in the 80s. I don’t recal what movie promoted the creation but they were everywhere. I think I was in junior high and they started selling these at Six Flags Over Texas right next to the “Risky Business” RayBans. Oh, the choices we had to make back then – be like Joel Goodson or Lt. Geordi La Forge.

Somehow my older brother acquired a pair of these and I would try to snag them anytime I could. I look back now and I know they didn’t make me look any cooler than I already am but I still had to have a pair because most everyone else did. It was short lived for me though because the lenses touched my eyelashes and it bugged the hell out me when that happened. Plus, it was getting harder to sneak them from my bro.

Anyway, I guess that wasn’t as interesting as I originally thought. I just came across this picture on the web and it reminded me about these glasses.

I’ll go put my head in the ground now like an ostrich!

I am tired as a son of a gun! Yes, it’s my own fault but that’s the way of my life.

I went to bed late last night. I had to go get Corky (aka David) last night because I have a roller hockey game tonight and the wife has her last working night for the summer. Ha, sounds like she’s a prostitute or something.

Anyway, I planned on getting him around 8pm last night but shit happened and I didn’t end up leaving until a bit after 9pm. I planned on getting there and getting back by 10 or 10:30 at the latest.

Didn’t happen. Never does!

I was yapping with my brother and nephew, Ollie and Robbie respectively. Somehow we got on the topic of whether or not it is a law for someone with an STD and knows it to tell someone that they are about to have sex with that they do. I said there wasn’t but they said there was. Although I think it is wrong that they don’t tell, I believe it is a violation of medical rights. If a doctor can’t reveal medical history, why should an individual be required to?

They both said there was a national law that says you have to reveal your disease or you face criminal charges. Robbie tried to relate it to carrying a knife or gun or something. He wasn’t completely coherent because he had already had about six glasses of Jack Daniel’s and Coke.

Anyway, I made a bet with him that there wasn’t such a law. He asked what the terms of the winner/loser would be. He said that if he was right that he got one night with my wife. Now, I don’t know if I should be disturbed or proud that my 24-year-old nephew desires my wife but nevertheless, I could not agree to that term. I told Robbie that he should try to find his own women or go after my brother Vern’s (#6 brother) wife, Marti. He said he’d pass. Again, pride or queasiness at his lustfulness for MY wife? LOL.

So, we agreed that I would tell him in a public place, in front of everyone and anyone that he was right. I said, “I will tell you ‘Robbie, you have taught me something. You were right.’” Simple as that. I don’t think we discussed what the term(s) would be if I won. I guess just knowing that I am NEVER wrong is good enough. He said he’d have proof of this law in three days. We’ll see.

I got home around 12:30am this morning. I was tired to begin with but I was going to be even more tired. I tossed and turned a bit in the bed last night – I think I need to get me some but could be just being restless, NOT! Anyhow, the alarm went off this morning at 8am and I did not want to get up. I finally got out of bed around 8:07am and my left eye was burning. It was bothering me a bit last night and was a little red but it was worse this morning. I was blood-shot red and tearing badly. Luckily, there was not filmy gunk over it. I don’t know what’s bothering it but it still burns now at 10am. I was thinking about calling into work because I could have pink eye but mainly because I am butt-ass tired. I think if I had pink eye, my eye would be filmy. But I’m not doctor. Oh well. I’ll just suffer like I normally do until it passes.

I got to work this morning and decided to do some research on the topic Robbie and I discussed about the “STD law.” Google gave me some random sites but I found a very interesting one here in case anyone cares.

There is not a national law but there are individual state laws and those vary depending on the states. If you look at the state laws though, most are very specific regarding acts other than simple intercourse between two people. Some stated that it was a felony to donate blood, organs or semen while knowingly having an STD. Others were like you can be held liable if you are in prostitution or someone has you in prostitution while having an STD. I went through a few randomly selected states for the generical STD laws and those specific to HIV and didn’t find anything backing Robbie’s claim. Nor did I see any related cases (like Roe vs Wade) that have been prosecuted under any of the laws I viewed.

So, I’m right. I’m tired. And I get nothing but the glory of knowing I am omnipotent!

Was it worth it? Not at this moment, I’m not really feeling it!

…tied the jump rope to a door handle but not the hanging themselves part.

I don’t leave my kids unsupervised but I don’t think I’ll be letting them do this.

July 27, 2005 (New York Post)– A 6-year-old girl accidentally strangled herself while she jumped rope last night inside her grandparents’ Queens home, police said.
Najiyah Roberts, who was visiting from Virginia, tied the rope to a door knob in her grandparents’ two-family home on 120th Avenue in Springfield Gardens at about 5:30 p.m.

About 30 minutes later, police said, Najiyah’s grandmother found her body on the floor with the rope wrapped around her neck.

Police said the death appeared to be a tragic accident.

Najiyah, who lived in Charlotte Court House, Va., had been staying with her grandparents since June.

The city Medical Examiner’s Office will conduct an autopsy to determine the cause of death.

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) – A Texas man was arrested on Monday after calling police to complain about the theft of his marijuana, authorities said.

Stephen Knight, 17, said three men had broken into his apartment, hogtied him with Christmas lights and stole some marijuana, along with a plasma screen television, police said.

Police are looking for the suspects. In the meantime, they arrested Knight after finding several marijuana plants growing under heat lamps in the apartment, four grams of harvested marijuana and a tablet of ecstasy, Officer Chad Ripley said.

Knight said the men barged into his home early on Monday morning demanding, “Where’s the weed?,” according to San Antonio police.

What kind of bullshit is the government pulling with passing this eminent domain law?

Basically, it’s the ultimate screwing over for all people who consider owning a house part of the “American Dream.” You work your ass off. Buy a house and land to call your own. The city decides it wants your land in the interest of “public use” and then your land is classified as condemned so the city can take it from you at cost.

Can I say how much bullshit this is once again?

Why even buy a house? We should all be renters so then the banks and lenders start to suffer and then we’ll see how important “public use” is. If someone rich has something to lose, then the voice of opposition will be heard. Otherwise, middle-class home owners like myself (the middle-class part not home owner) will continue to get screwed by big businesses.

Is it the home owner’s fault that they just happened to purchase a house and land that later one became of interest to some corporate assholes? All the home owner wanted was, well, a home to own. If it happens to be in a place that developers want in the future, I believe the developer (city or private) should pay as much as the home owner asks within reason. Don’t you think the developer would do the same if someone came to buy one of their properties? I think so!

So, welcome to the land of the “free”. Free to speak, write and express your opinion but don’t think you are going to own land that the “big, corporate asshole” wants because it’s also the land of “free to bend over and take one from behind!”

I watched Constantine this evening. It wasn’t half bad. I wouldn’t want to pay $8 for it at the theatre but it was a decent rental.

Rent it or borrow it from a friend.

Today, space shuttle Discovery successfully lauched into space for a 12-day mission. After further review of the lauch tapes, the imagery team says two pieces of debris had been seen falling about two minutes after launch when the booster rockets detached but will not know what effect this might have had on the shuttle until further, closer review.

They say this is a great step for the nation of America towards returning to space, to the moon, to Mars. I’ll believe it when we get to Mars!

The last time I actually watched a shuttle launch was when the Challenger (I think) exploded upon take off about twenty years ago. I was in physical science class in junior high and the teacher brought in a television so my class could watch the launch. At first, we thought the explosion was a hoax but soon realized it was true, live television. I hadn’t watched a “live” launch since but not because I was traumatized. It’s more because I wasn’t made to watch them.

Anyway, a succesful mission and safe trip home to the astronauts.